Check Up-HUMAN

"It hates you, you know."

Ratchet sighed at the subdued Decepticon. He was fine with checking him for any abnormalities, fine with checking his child. What he was not quite as fine with was how much the 'con yapped.

"He hates me, it seems. Gender is no surprise, almost all of them are males, actually. Something about our genes…"

"Whatever. He hates you. He suddenly stopped moving when you came in and started prodding at him. That's fine with me, considering you're an Autobot. He'll make a fine Decepticon soldier because you all are not taking him, and it won't work if you do anyway, because…"

It never shut up! Ratchet eyed him, rolling his eyes and ignoring what he had to say. He was just babbling, anyway. He shook his head, attempting to get back to business.

"Is this Megatron's child?'

That shut Starscream up, at least temporarily. At first, all he did in response was glare. Then he smirked, "Why yes, it is my glorious leader, Lord Megatron's, child. And between the two of us it is not going to be swayed easily by the likes of you."

He sounded a tad sarcastic.

"Uh huh," Ratchet muttered, already distracted, "Well, you're pretty far in. Only a month or two and this kid is going to be out."

"Just because I'm a Decepticon you think I'm stupid. Of course I know how pregnant I am! Do you think I forgot about science and math because I got branded? We did our research, Ratchet. This wasn't a mistake. I do not have sex for… for recreation! We have more important things to do with our time than you all, obviously."

"Than me? I'm not pregnant."

Starscream glared. Of course the Autobot's doctor had to be the only one of the lot that was impossible to mess with. Of course he had to be the one that actually had some wit.

"Not you. You all. Wasn't Bumblebee's pregnancy a… mistake?"

"That is none of your business, Starscream." Ratchet responded calmly, grabbing for the machine at his side, "Want to see your kid?"

"Don't switch subjects on me!"

Ratchet rolled his eyes, "Well, you're going to see it anyway, because I might be able to see some problems."

Starscream narrowed his eyes. "Are you suggesting I let my child get ill?"

"Perhaps I am. Now brace yourself, this stuff is pretty cold."

He wasn't kidding. Starscream shuddered. The whole thing was a disgrace. It made him look like he needed the Autobots for help, which wasn't true at all. He'd been hoping to annoy the doctor to death, but Ratchet was surprisingly resilient. The other Autobots he'd been seeing the past few days seemed to be either lame grunts or strangely short-tempered. He had found them much more amusing.

And for the first time in his life, Starscream was wishing Megatron would come. It had been days already, and while they weren't torturous- they were so infernally boring that they might as well have been. There were no plans, no other Decepticons, no Megatron, nothing worth looking forward to. There was the fact he might lose his child, and what would they do with him after that? Kill him? Give him back to Megatron? He didn't understand Autobots, didn't understand the way they thought at all. At least with Decepticons he could plan, because he knew what they did. With Autobots, everything was all mixed up.

Oh, why had he been so stupid? Why had he left base? Why did his plans always fail?

He was distracted by the image of what looked like a strange, curled up human animal on the screen Ratchet had set up next to him.

Ratchet laughed at the Decepticon's reaction, pointing to the strange thing on the screen, "That is your child as it appears right now."

Starscream wrinkled his nose, "Is it going to be that ugly after it's born?"

"No, silly. I thought you said you did your research."

"I did! I just didn't look at it. Is that all right with you?" Starscream was beginning to get rather tired of the whole affair. All he wanted was to be left alone. Like they couldn't just kidnap him, they had to poke and prod him while they were at it. Autobots… They stuck their noses into the middle of everything…

"Touchy, aren't you?" Ratchet grumbled, removing the device he had been running over Starscream's stomach.

Starscream suddenly began to feel like he was winning. He smirked, "I'm pregnant, remember?"

"So you're going to use that as your excuse for everything. I actually kind of pity Megatron." Ratchet sighed, washing the Decepticon off.

"Pity Mega-"

"Your child is perfectly fine, Starscream." Ratchet smirked at the Decepticon, patting him on the hand.

This distracted the Seeker yet again, causing him to cross his arms haughtily, "I could have told you that."

Ratchet undid Starscream's bonds while he was still distracted, bolting for the door before the Decepticon could shoot him or something. He wasn't sure if Optimus's plan would work, if any child of Megatron and Starscream could be salvaged. It was possible it would be a branded Decepticon from birth. Without any other children to use as examples, there was really no telling.

"Hey!" Starscream was complaining as Ratchet slipped away. The Autobot had been the first thing to actually enter his cell since he'd been dropped in there by Optimus. He was hoping he could have maybe slipped out with the doctor. Of course, no such luck.

"You could have at least said bye!"

He was alone again. He growled, running his hand over his massive belly. So the thing was still alive. It had been strangely quiet since its mother had been kidnapped, probably because Megatron was gone. The thing had always liked the sound of its father's voice, as much as the thought pissed Starscream off. With Megatron away and Starscream fairly sedentary, it didn't have much motivation. Hell, even Starscream was getting lazy. He couldn't think of any really good plans. The Autobots didn't listen to his bargaining. It was practically impossible to slip out of the door. His weapons were useless against the might of the cell's walls. He had no supplies. All he had was a stupid kid that kicked at his stomach every once in a while, and the strength of will to not tell the Autobots anything.

He was second-in-command of the Decepticons, and he was totally out of ideas.